What is beauty to me....

This might surprise most of you ladies but, I have never seen myself as beautiful. I've had moments of beauty in my life. I don't look in the mirror and see anything special. I'm a 30 year old trapped in a body that looks like a 13 year old. I don't have a "Womanly Shape" there are many things if given the chance I would change to help add and boost my confidence.

The moment I felt the glow of beauty was when I became a mom. No matter what, I will always be beautiful in their eyes no matter how clouded mine are. I think we spend a lot of time beating ourselves up and try to multitask and do everything we allow ourselves to be defeated instead of seeing what beauty surrounds up each and every day. I'm not sure if you are anything like I am; but I try to juggle being a single mom, taking care of everything and everyone, sewing, exercise, and by the end of each day I feel frazzled.

When I found out about this beauty campaign I thought this would be a great way to really explore true beauty and share my maybe 'not so beautiful thoughts' with you. Hopefully you will find the beauty in the ashes of darkness.

My entire life I have always had insecurities. I used to hurt myself due to bullying and harmful things said about my body and who I was as a person. Since that point in my life, I have always had a hard time seeing what others see. I don't see anything special.. I often feel and seem like a doormat that everyone walks over, and fear I won't find anyone to share my life with besides my daughters - but each day I realize I am ok with that possibility.

The past 5 years has been quite the journey of finding myself. I don't think anyone in marriage ever thinks they will be divorced. You think no matter what in your marriage you can figure out a way to save it. Not so the case as I found. Marriage is hard and never easy but, my separation that lead to divorce was the hardest thing I have ever done.

I wasn't in the healthiest marriage, there simply wasn't a lot of love. Lies, cheating, deception, sadness, and heartbreak were there instead. I feel like I'm a phoenix rising from the ashes. When I get down and struggle with things with my divorce that are still going on, I look at the two beautiful daughters in which God so graciously gave to me and see my beauty through their eyes not necessary my own.

I think with all my insecurities I find it easy to beat myself up or comparing myself to others, forgetting who I am. So, when I started on this beauty swimming suit, I was determined to see myself in a new light. I have survived emotional abusive, divorce, being a single mom and that makes me a strong, beautiful woman. I'm alright with having a teenager body with no shape, unless I fake the shape ;), this body is strong and sees me through each day. I have my days and moments where I cry and think oh my gosh, I can't continue the way I am going!!! I pray for strength and tender mercies and a new outlook. I know I am enough.... I know I am beautiful even if I don't always see it. I know I am surrounded by beauty everyday. I love creating beauty and sharing that with everyone. I may not have it all, but in my life I have the world in my hands.

For my swimming suit I have always had a great love with mermaids so I went with an Ariel theme and love how it turned out.

I found my fish scale fabric here. My purple matte came from Joann.

I went in the direction of using some lingerie for my bottoms yes, I turned panties into swimming bottoms and I love how they came out. I went with a swimming suit top for mine but, you can use any bra patterns from this stop to create something unique and beautiful to your style. Find the top here and the bottoms here.

I grabbed a few other of her patterns to create some more swimming suits. This is my second suit and because I don't have much in the way of a chest I had to greatly modify the top cups to fit my lack of cups. Sarah, the owner of Ohhh lulu has a blog of "how to's" that are mini tutorials that are so helpful- find them here. If you have troubles or need additional advice Sarah is amazing and gets back quickly. I am so glad I stumbled upon her store and found her great patterns. I hope you will love what I created and try making your own beautiful swimming suit that showcases your style.